Almost exactly three years ago I left for Mexico, turning my back on a relationship, career and most of my possessions.
The journey has been incredible. I have taken many risks but have also been immensely fortunate and I could never imagine going back to my old life.
I’m in control of my direction, my happiness. And so now it is the night before I leave to travel again. Two weeks on Maui, 10 days in Brazil, 10 days in the Galapagos and then two months free to wander South America.
While so much has changed in the last three years I feel similar to how I did the first time I left home.
I have learned to accept that I am always going to have some fear because I have chosen a life of uncertainty. But things are different this time. Instead of running away from a life I realized I didn’t want, I am departing a new life in Toronto I have created. I’ve kept worthwhile old friends but met new ones. Instead of feeling like my possessions, apartment and relationship were holding me back I now embrace all of these things.
I love living in Toronto.
And so the idea of going back on the road, throwing myself into South America is a bit scary. Can I still hack it? I’ll be surrounding myself in a foreign language I have not mastered. Keeping an eye on my surroundings and belongings, hoping I don’t get robbed. It has been nearly two years since I left Buenos Aires. What if I hate it? There are so many what ifs….
When I think of things that way I have no idea why I am going. Why I would throw myself into a less than comfortable situation. Why I would yet again allow myself to be afraid. But fear is normal. We all have it, it is simply that some of us push through it. I cannot allow my fear to hold me back.
The time I spent in Latin America changed me. It made me a different person. It healed parts of me I had no idea were wounded and gave me the confidence to know I could do anything.
I can do anything.
It is going to be tough and I may be homesick but it is time. I miss that sense of fearlessness. I miss the adventure. I miss the food. I miss the smells and the people but most of all I miss who I am on the road.