Toronto, Canada
Almost exactly three years ago I left for Mexico, turning my back on a relationship, career and most of my possessions.
The journey has been incredible. I have taken many risks but have also been immensely fortunate and I could never imagine going back to my old life.
I’m in control of my direction, my happiness. And so now it is the night before I leave to travel again. Two weeks on Maui, 10 days in Brazil, 10 days in the Galapagos and then two months free to wander South America.
While so much has changed in the last three years I feel similar to how I did the first time I left home.
Afraid.
I have learned to accept that I am always going to have some fear because I have chosen a life of uncertainty. But things are different this time. Instead of running away from a life I realized I didn’t want, I am departing a new life in Toronto I have created. I’ve kept worthwhile old friends but met new ones. Instead of feeling like my possessions, apartment and relationship were holding me back I now embrace all of these things.
I love living in Toronto.
And so the idea of going back on the road, throwing myself into South America is a bit scary. Can I still hack it? I’ll be surrounding myself in a foreign language I have not mastered. Keeping an eye on my surroundings and belongings, hoping I don’t get robbed. It has been nearly two years since I left Buenos Aires. What if I hate it? There are so many what ifs….
When I think of things that way I have no idea why I am going. Why I would throw myself into a less than comfortable situation. Why I would yet again allow myself to be afraid. But fear is normal. We all have it, it is simply that some of us push through it. I cannot allow my fear to hold me back.
The time I spent in Latin America changed me. It made me a different person. It healed parts of me I had no idea were wounded and gave me the confidence to know I could do anything.
I can do anything.
It is going to be tough and I may be homesick but it is time. I miss that sense of fearlessness. I miss the adventure. I miss the food. I miss the smells and the people but most of all I miss who I am on the road.
You are so like your father!
Bravo! Great post…here’s to yet another great adventure waiting to unfold…
You can hack it. You know it. You love it. The fear is part of the excitement. We’re heading for Guatemala tomorrow and I feel much the same. It’s so easy to stay home, but that’s why we go. No? Have a great time.
Here’s to great adventures in South America!!!!
Your true friends will support you no matter what, and you’ll likely make some new ones along the way. Happy and safe travels!
You’re going to have an incredible time! As you know of course. All those ‘What ifs’ are natural and if you didn’t have them that would be even more worrying. I’ve just come back from South America and now heading out to live in Toronto, so we’re doing a kind of swap situation…!
Being afraid is a good feeling – it reminds us that we are alive! I can’t wait to read all about your South American experience again.
Have a great trip (or is this the one you have been on) and enjoy the sites and sounds. I am always afraid when I first start off on an unknown trip. The familiarness is not there until a few days in.
Anytime we start something new, it’s always a bit scary! Enjoy this new adventure and in time, all your What if’s will be answered!
Such a lovely, honest post! I think one of the things that keeps us travelers on the road is precisely the same thing that scares us – the unknown. It’s an adrenaline rush of a whole new kind, and one we thrive on, or we wouldn’t keep putting ourselves in the same situation over and over. Good luck on your amazing upcoming journey! You CAN do anything!
I love your concluding paragraph. When I’m not traveling, I also miss the independence and fearlessness I experience on the road.
Cheers to new adventures!
Your plans sound really good – specially the “two months free to wonder South America” part. The best trips tend to be the less planned ones!.. 😉
Nice to see you’ll be back on the road again. I look forward to hearing how it goes!
I’m excited for you and glad your back on the road again. I have by toying with the idea myself. I can totally relate…I love settling back to my life here in NY but there is still that part of me that misses who I am when I’m away.
Until then…I’m all set and can’t wait to take this journey with you via your post. Enjoy the new discoveries, be safe and have fun!
I can so relate to this, Ayngelina. While I haven’t traveled as long as you have, I understand that feeling of fear, and also the draw of yet again being the person you are on the road.
I’m approaching a 6-month trip soon; the longest I will have ever traveled. It’s both terrifying and exciting – and I wouldn’t want it any other way!
I don’t think there’s a single person who sets off on a trip like this and doesn’t feel some apprehension. It’s so much more preferable to predictability though. I’d take fear, uncertainty and adventure any day over routine. I hope you have a fantastic time.
If you have done it before you can do it again, I am sure. As soon as you land you will forget all your worries again. Have an amazing time. Can’t wait to read about it!
I’d love to be going back to SA! Have a wonderful adventure =)
I loved reading this. I am such a different person when I am traveling than I am when I am home. I also get afraid before I leave. That fear always subsides when my plane lands. Traveling me is much braver than home-me.
ps – I will be in Toronto in a couple of weeks. I will tell it you say hello!
Good luck! I can’t wait to read all about your new adventures!
Cindy
Wonderful,
. I was in Tuscany last summer and I visited Chianti, Siena, Florence and San Gimigano.
I slept in a farmhouse in Colle Val di Elsa with pool and a beautiful garden
The farmhouse’s name was Pieve di San Martino.The apartments are clean and well and tastefully furnished.From the terrace you can enjoy a wonderful landscape in Chianti.