It was good that I was asked to come back unexpectedly to work. I didn’t have time to plan and prepare other than looking for a last-minute flight.
It also meant that I didn’t really think about what it would be like to go back to the grind. After 18 months of working on my own schedule, waking up when I wanted and doing whatever I liked.
The first week is always the most challenging and I saw how quickly I could slip into old habits.
Easy and light. Despite leaving my job I was never one of those people who hated it. People are surprised to see me and even more surprised that I am working but I chirp in it’s only for 3 weeks.
I am exhausted that night as I’m not used to living without a daily siesta.
More happy faces and surprises and I have my formulaic ‘what’s next’ response so confidently prepared they must believe it.
I also work on my first piece of strategy and debate it with a co-worker. My brain delights in working in this way again. I forgot how much I missed “thinking” about things that didn’t involve me being so self-absorbed about where my life was going.
Everyone knows I’m there and I have first client call. It sends me toward the vending machine to get a Kit Kat bar. I had forgotten I was a stress eater. Damn vending machine! I fall asleep before 9pm.
Realize that all the unhappy people on the subway are so depressing. It’s a low day. I also forgot to make lunch so I ate a frozen entree for lunch in shame. I hate processed food. This isn’t me.
I remember to take my kindle on the subway, which gives me 40 minutes to read and I learn I could love the uninterrupted time to read.
I get asked if I could work for just one more month. I don’t have any more work clothes but we can wear jeans here so maybe one more month won’t be so bad.
I decide to stay. I know I want to be in Toronto – at least for now. But if I can figure out that a Kindle makes the subway depression disappear I must be able to find ways to make everything else better. I know I don’t want my old life back, it’s up to me to create that.
But I can promise you one thing: I will not eat another frozen lunch entree.