I will resist my North American tendency to call this game soccer as I should do as the Ecuadorians do. I have been playing soccer ..err football since I was 12 although I have only really watched during FIFA or the World Cup.
Although I’ve been in Latin America for 7 months I shamefully had not watched any games and finally when I arrived in Cuenca I begged my Ecuadorian friend, Andres, to take me to a game.
It started off as a bright and sunny afternoon, perfect for the $2 litres of beer and catching some rays but things quickly turned sour when the visiting team scored and it started to rain.
However, another $2 litre beer eased the sting and we continued to have a good time.
While the game was exciting, the real entertainment was in the stands and the crowd shouted profanities at the other team and the referee.
And while Andres was kind enough to translate all the good ones to me I wish I had spent some time the day before learning what to shout.
So if you’re planning to go to a game, here are some things you need to know:
The most spoken phrase as everyone is a son of a bitch / motherfucker. The proper Spanish is hijo de puta, although no one slows down to say it properly.
Cabeza de rolon
This only works if the referee is bald, but one of the more innocent insults is to refer to him as a roll-on deoderant head.
Traigan una partera para ese hijueputa
Let’s face it, footballers are the biggest babies so when a player fakes an injury and lays on the field for a long time it’s only fair to yell bring a midwife for this motherfucker.
Se le rompe el taco del zapato a ese hijueputa
Footballers also seem to fall for no reason and when that happens you hear that motherfucker just broke his heels.
Que lo vengan a ver, que lo vengan a ver ese no es un arquero es una puta de cabaret
A chant that the crowd yells at the visiting goal keeper: come to see him, come to see him; he isnt a goal keeper, he is a 2 dollar hooker
Pon una piedra en vez de ese malo hijueputa
Players of the home team aren’t immune either, if a player isn’t doing well they’ll often hear switch that asshole for a stone.
While the rain eventually cleared up, Deportivo Cuenca walked away with a loss but I learned a handful of new Spanish words that will be useful in coming months.