My Greatest Fear

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La Alberca, Spain

I don’t have the same normal fears as other people: snakes, bugs, dying. Mine is theatre.

I don’t mind getting up in front of people to speak but to act?

That is completely different.

It likely stems from my need to overachieve and I know I am terrible at acting and really anything imaginative. To put myself in the spotlight and fail miserably is my nightmare.



So when our master of ceremonies at Pueblo Ingles approached me on the penultimate day (that’s second last grammarians) to participate in theatre because EVERYONE else already had, my heart raced.

I told Jez that I needed a bit part and would only do it if he absolutely could not find anyone else, his response?


“Great I’m putting you on the list”


I had hoped nothing would come of it but the next day before siesta Canadian Debbie pulled me aside to say that she was organizing our play for 8pm. Irish Rhoda, Spaniard Isabel and I would play three drunk girls coming out of a club. Spaniard Jose would play an officer and Canadian Debbie the captain.

You’d think since I’m a bit of a lush this would be easy.


Not. At. All.


I told Debbie I absolutely could not do it. I wanted a bit part. I did not want to be front and centre. It was siesta time so I frantically looked for Jez, I had to tell him I could not do it. I was completely losing it. My anxiety was soaring and I was upset to be put in a situation. I went back to Debbie to tell her that I could not find Jez but that in no way could I do this.

Kind as always, she told me she would never make me do it and we would figure it out after siesta.

Despite my manic state I was able to sleep for an hour and when I woke I started to feel foolish. Here I was surrounded by all of these people who let down their guards and were completely vulnerable and I ws flipping out about a play.

I ran into Isabel who offered to buy me a gin and tonic while we practiced. In turns out everyone was very nervous and no one had done anything like this. Rhoda confided she wished she had done it at the last Pueblo Ingles she attended.


Regret. I didn’t want it. I’ve had enough of it.


So we took our drinks up to Rhoda’s villa and practiced and laughed and I had a really good time.

Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.


In the end we performed. I have no idea if it was funny. I don’t remember how I did. But I had a really good time. And I am so glad I did it.

If I had been in the audience I would have really regretted it.





Join the Conversation

  1. Yay! I’m glad you did it & enjoyed it. It’s funny — I have the exact opposite fear. I love theater & used to perform improv professionally. But public speaking totally freaks me out. I think it’s because with public speaking I don’t get to hide behind a script or personae. I’d have no problem playing some drunk idiot, but being myself (even if I’m a drunk idiot half the time)? That’s HARD. 🙂

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      I had friends in high school who were in theatre and now do improv classes but I can feel my anxiety levels rising just thinking about it.

  2. Andi of My Beautiful Adventures says:

    Congrats on facing your fear! That’s huge!!!

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      Thanks Andi!

  3. Three drunk girls coming out of a bar and running in to officer Jose? Where have I heard that before…
    Congrats on getting up and taking center stage. It always feels good to take on one’s fears.

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      It was definitely a highlight for me. How odd that a familiar situation could be so frightening.

  4. Rachael Sena says:

    You conquered your greatest fear! Congrats! Now, hopefully you won’t have to do that again…

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      It’s like when I bungy jumped, I did it once to say I could do it but I have no intention on ever doing it again.

  5. Roy Marvelous says:

    Ha. I used to be terrified of singing in public well, because I’m tone-deaf.

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      I think I may be tone deaf as well. I’m not making a joke about my bad singing, although it is bad, but I cannot mimick tunes at all.

  6. Nicolas De Corte says:

    That’s funny, I don’t mind acting at all, even not for larger groups.
    But ask me to talk to 10 people or more and I get the chills…

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      I’m not nervous speaking in front of people, at least i don’t think I am but whenever I do I have to remember not to pick anything up because my hands will be shaking, It’s very strange because I’ll feel comfortable.

  7. The Travel Chica says:

    I don’t think I could have done it!

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      I didn’t think I could either but really it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

  8. Great post. I have a rule of thumb: the thing that scares me most is what I should probably be doing. Glad you had fun 🙂

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      I usually believe that too but this REALLY scared me. It is possibly the scariest thing I have ever done.

  9. Ayngelina, your posts are always so personal and inspiring. Thanks for sharing!

  10. Brooke vs. the World says:

    Congrats on doing it! I recently spoke on a panel about blogging and it was like a similar anxiety-soaring experience, but in the end something I did and am happy about. Whew. It’s important to face fears every once in a while — so happy you did it!

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      I haven’t written about it yet but I also did a blogging event and I was very nervous but at least there was a comfort zone that I knew about blogging. Drama and theatre? I know nothing about that.

  11. Bret @ Green Global Travel says:

    I did improv comedy at one of Atlanta’s most popular theatres, and I totally get the feeling you’re talking about. It’s like a walking a tightrope without a net, NAKED, while people stare at you like they’re waiting for you to grow a third arm out of your forehead. I used to hate it, but totally grew to love it with time.

    1. Ayngelina Author says:

      I don’t know if I would ever love it, but I am happy I pushed myself, even if just a bit.

  12. Good on you for braving your fears! I have a fear of public speaking and acting…but I’m not shy with karaoke! LOL!

  13. Good for you, girl! Facing your fear like that is amazing. 😀

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